In my quest for a body beautiful, I decided to do a bit of research during some down time at work. I gave a quick call to the Church of Steel, a piercing sanctuary on Broadway in downtown San Diego. A deep voice with an odd lisp answered the phone and after I asked him if he did tongue splitting, he said, "Sthir, we don't dtho tthat here." I thanked him for his time and his manners and before I could hang up heard some eerie screaming in the background. I know I have to hurry before the hard-working California legislature decides to tax tongue splitting, so I may have to call Tat City tomorrow.
Until I can give you a full report, you should read this interesting take from Andrei Codrescu. And by request, I found a picture!
Are you tired of that boring, white-bread look that you are doomed to carry around from day to day? Sick of the tattoos and piercings and looking for something new? Well, you’re in luck. Just when it seemed that the human body could not possibly be mutilated any more than it already has, I give you the newest fad sweeping the nation—tongue splitting!
Now, being one of perhaps fifteen people my age in the United States who does not sport any ink and who never pierced any part of my anatomy, I’m giving this one some thought. Sometimes I let things slip out of my mouth that I wish I could take back. Now I can blame everything on my forked tongue. I can hear it now: “Don’t blame me, I speak with forked tongue.” Never mind the lisp or the fact that the procedure is done without anesthetics, a split tongue will make you friends and impress all the girls (or guys). You’ll be able to sample two different foods at once, spit around corners, and dress as Satan every Halloween.
I’ll let you know what I decide.
posted by Jeff 5/14/2003
