From the "I thought I'd seen everything file," I give you Puppetry of the Penis, "the ancient art of digital origami." For $37.50, you too can enjoy men (at least I think it'll be men), well, being men. I say good for them. The member has been tucked away in the zippered closet for long enough. If women can have their Vagina Monologues, why can't we have our Johnsons do something other than cause problems? While I'm not sure that I'm secure enough with my manhood to sit through a couple of hours watching naked men turn Mr. Happy into a swan in flight, I plan on being there in spirit! You go, guys!
posted by Jeff 6/03/2003
Almighty Crap
One of these days when I have little to do and even less to think about, I'm going to compile a list of the five or ten worst movies I've ever seen. I already have a list of the best (stored away for safe keeping) but I haven't actually given much thought to the crap that I've been subjected to and actually paid to see over the years. Of course, it would be easy to say Dirty Dancing and it may indeed make the list since it's the first movie that seems to come to mind (not to mention it was a "first date" movie for me), but the field of flops is so fertile (read the crap is ripe) that Dirty Dancing may luck out.
I haven't mentioned this before but I have a tendency to avoid big studio movies at the major megaloplexes. This is partly because of all of the disappointments over the years, but it also has to do with the fact that I'm a snob and prefer the highbrow, especially when I'm paying $9.50. This certainly shortens the list of available crap from which to choose. After all, I've never seen The Matrix, a single one of the new Star Wars, Lord of the Rings (I or II), any sci-fi film, Terminator, Die Hard, any film starring Jackie Chan or Jet Li, any animated feature, and on and on. That being said, every once in a while the wife takes me out of my self-imposed zone of film snobbery and suggests that I take in a movie that I might otherwise simply ignore. As a result, I end up compromising, culling through the list of current features to hopefully find the hidden gem, the ninety minutes of my life I might not be too disappointed when I sacrifice them to the brain-trusts in Hollywood. That's why I end up seeing films like Titanic or Blow when I'd probably have wasted my money on seeing Requiem for a Dream for a fifth time. That's why I ended up scraping my wrist with a mouth-sharpened fingernail the other night. To me, the ninety minutes of watching Bruce Almighty are lost forever. Not even God or Morgan Freeman can give me those back. And if I were to start my list today, I'd have to put this stinker right up there.
